As the realization of another poor choice hit my body I began to feel nauseous. I tried to stifle my tears but they were relentless and began to fall anyway…
If we pay attention, our bodies tell us there’s something wrong. It could be the words of a conversation that trigger the physical responses I’ve described or a thought. In this case, it was a conversation with a person I considered a friend. I was in absolute shock that someone could be so indifferent, condescending, and oblivious at the same time.
What I experienced shows how the geography of the energy centers work. Our energy centers can express emotions and ailments simultaneously and each occupies a special place in our bodies. The energy center for anger is our stomach, and the one for carrying other people’s stuff is on our shoulders. The energy center for resentment is in our joints and for a lack of support in the hips. My anger hit me first in my heart, causing the tears, shaking, and dry heaving. I hit all the stops on the map of the geography of our emotions at the same time after one brief interaction.
Before I had any thought to confront, or could lash out, or discuss the situation with the other party, I became overwhelmingly aware of my body symptoms so I combined self-love with a variety of other methods to heal my emotions. I took a walk but because the extreme emotions of confusion and anger were intertwined I also released using outer manipulation or massage and reflexology with my toes. Unconsciously, I headed for nutritious food and hydration. I knew that a hot shower was in order. First, I meticulously brushed my teeth, complete with several rinses and floss. That would ease up the pain, and better prepare my body for a delicious sleep and stretching in the morning. As I massaged the goat’s milk lotion lovingly between my toes and up my calves, knees, and thighs after my shower I realized that I had finally achieved the ease of healing hardship.
The story I’ve shared is just one example of how somatic our emotions are. Before we can even say a word it’s all in our body. It’s been that way since the beginning of our lives and always will be. Techniques and treatments like reiki, acupuncture, and cupping can help us release long-term bottled up emotions. Regular exercise is also beneficial because it sets the tone for a process of regular optimum release and healthy coping in difficult situations.
The process of emotional release starts with our decision to self-nurture but sometimes we can’t do it alone. That’s why I wrote this book. I want to give you every tool possible so that you can:
- Achieve complete emotional healing
- Learn why releasing dark and difficult emotions is important for physical, emotional and spiritual wellness
- Be inspired by stories of other women who have released damaging negative emotions.
Throughout Detached Love:
Transforming Your Heart So That You Can Transform Your Mind we will dive deep into the inner and outer geography of our emotions. You’ll discover where they live in the body and how to receive them as well as how you can release and express both negative and positive emotions. You’ll learn about the heart cycles, disease and how we can heal our own bodies using our emotions as a power source. You’ll also learn how to restructure our mindset to pay attention to alert of an oncoming trigger, how to refresh your inner and outer world, and who is worthy of being in your close circle of friends and gets the privilege of highly influencing you.
Putting everyone and everything before ourselves out of duty is the expected and accepted thing to do. We do it because complying makes us good people and because we want to belong. Belonging is a very human desire. We all want to be loved and have a place in the world but when the need for belonging is combined with our desires to make our missions and our visions to change the world a reality we often begin to feel that our choices are limited.
Perhaps it comes from how we were raised. Often females are brought up to be caretakers and males to be providers. At the beginning, when we’re four or five years old, we feel seen and adored. However, as we become teenagers, life becomes a drag. By then we have started to know the world a little and realize that we have “needs” which are quickly squashed by the validation we used to enjoy. Depending on our experience of life, now we see it as: judgement, shaming, categorizing and guilting. Instead of speaking up we shut down our desires, or numb our emotions or avoid them all together. In the end, all roads lead to resentment.
On a physical level, this resentment becomes joint pain. If we are athletes this means we are more susceptible to injury. Perhaps we may have various ‘minor’ forms of inflammation or migraines. We are easily susceptible to chest colds or other ‘seasonal’ viral infections. On a more severe level and after years, you may develop an autoimmune disease, have miscarriages or be completely infertile, develop high blood pressure or diabetes, have adrenal fatigue or some other thyroid issue.
On an emotional level numbing, avoidance or ignoring feelings can result in making the choice to engage in damaging activities like over exercising, over working, or being an overachiever, or to stay in socially acceptable relationships which may actually be toxic. A common example of this is marrying the “perfect catch” and existing in a living hell. The common thread is all of these seem to be desirable choices on the surface they are damaging long term. More obvious damaging choices are overeating, oversleeping, binge watching, binge drinking, excessive gaming or social media.
When the suffering starts we begin to operate on autopilot. We are not okay but always say that we’re fine because it’s better to not let others worry. While you are not consciously identifying whether we are in fight, flight or freeze, most often if you are numb, you are in freeze.
If this sounds familiar, ask yourself:
- Is this living or existing?
- Do you really know your purpose?
- Who are you living for and how is that working for you?
Two miscarriages, postpartum depression, juggling a family and a high pressure career caused me to ask myself these very same questions. In my work as an emotions opener and transformation strategist, I have shown women how to use their darkest and most difficult emotions to show up in their lives powerfully. Through my story and the stories of women I’ve worked with, you’ll see how we often love in complete attachment, drain ourselves of the same, and experience illness and negative emotions that hold us back. You will also see how we release those damaging negative emotions and detach from the need to do what’s accepted and expected to find healing we so desperately needed.
In this book, you’ll learn how to disentangle and still love. I will teach you how to transform your heart so that you can transform your mind using Replenish Me ™ , my complete system of self-nurturing built on nutritional, fitness, scientific and spiritual practices. My message to women is to unlearn neediness, self-loathing, attachment and being slaves to their lower vibrational desires. We are the portal between worlds and have the capacity to vibrate at the highest frequencies #love #peace #gratitude AND first must allow ourselves the #freedom to do that. May it transform your heart, mind and Beingness
May you live in a state of appreciation for the
Pleasure and Presence of Joy!
About the Author:
Cordelia Gaffar is the Emotions Opener Transformation Strategist guiding leaders to use their darkest and most difficult emotions to show up powerfully.
Cordelia Gaffar has been inducted into the Global Library of Female Authors by Ona Miller and her own book related to her Replenish Me Process will be released later this year. She is also Best Podcast Host of 2019 and the ACHI magazine Volunteer of the Year and finalist for Top Influencer and Orator of the Year. She is best-selling co-author of America’s Leading Ladies: who positively impact the world with Oprah Winfrey and several dynamic women.
Currently she is studying to become a Tibb Practitioner. She is the Founder of Replenish Me™, a Coach in the Harlem Wellness Network in New York and the official sponsor of She Phoenix, Femme Phoenix Ltd in South Africa. The focus is to advocate for the Girl Child, teenage girls, young women rights to a better education, health & life. (SDG1 to end poverty, SDG4 education, SDG gender equality and Women’s Empowerment) As seen on America Meditating Radio and British Muslim TV.