The beauty of family…
I grew up in a big happy family of 6 children; my mother was and still is my inspiration and a “superwoman” in every way. We were very close and spent a lot of time together. I remember having a lot of my cousins and our friends round the house, it was always busy and full of love, and we all ensured it was so.
I lived in a neighbourhood with amazing people and great friends , neighbours that stood with you and support you at all times it was remarkable and those are one of my best memories.
My parents were separated when was young I didn’t understand much of it to but one thing was for sure I missed my dad especially going to school and seeing others with their parents it was tough to adjust and even though we have laid him to rest I still have a longing in my heart for all the days we never spent and memories we could have created, not having experienced the much talked about father and daughter relationship.
When I went to High school I had many challenges mainly being away from my mum for the first time I didn’t realize how attached I had become and the fact that the school was strict not to mention a culture of bullying – you had to learn to fend for yourself or in my case have plenty of male cousins and brothers who were handsome trust me it did help ease of the bullying…
When I think back on my high school days they were great fun for the mere fact that I was on almost every school club available, to ensure I am out of the school now and again for events but because we got to make friends and create memories…
Some of the teachers were horrific but just like any other school we made it through some how.
The Great move
When I completed high school and done as much studies as I could in Kenya, my mum made plans for me to come to London. At first I wasn’t keen leaving my friends behind and the thought of a cold place was not alluring but I decided to look at it as an opportunity to step out and possibly have my own business I always dreamt of being my own boss.
I made it to London and made friends very quickly, was a socialite and would have a conversation with anyone. Started going out and meeting new people…I would quickly learn that not everyone was not as genuine as those I had grown up with.
I realised that the life I was building wasn’t the one I had hope for …I was working and enjoying myself and it seemed one endless party but deep within something was brewing that went undetected for so long, I started depending on alcohol for a great time when going out, and not to mention disaster relationships one after another, I seemed to always go for friends or men that simply didn’t value me but who could blame them, I never valued myself in the first place so how could others appreciate me.
I yearned to settle down and just be loved …this led me to meeting a gentleman who at first seemed ok I was ready to live with his very obvious flaws like clearly not appreciating me and comparing me to other women or his ex girlfriends, it was terrible I look back and realize how much I allowed in my life and it makes me realize how easy it is especially when you don’t love yourself, we are after all gate keepers of our hearts.
This new relationship came with hazards that I kept ignoring, he introduced me to hazardous habits such as watching pornography something that I was never exposed to before, this made me more self conscious and highlighted my inadequacies I mean this women do that for a living and spend a lot of time and money looking like that , well this are obvious things that I failed to see and in no time I made this women the ideal woman and this was exhausting!
In less than a year I got tired of that mess and ended the relationship as it was getting toxic and abusive.
A few months after that I started dating again and thought that this time round I had finally found a normal person only for him to rape me this devastated me and shattered me to pieces, didn’t tell anyone for fear of the stigma and frankly wanted to pretend it never happened. Besides I was in the fashion world at this time none of any of the people around me would understand it, it just never happened to us our lives are meant to be perfect.
In time my mind convinced me I was ugly and worthless and with that I had got even more low trying to please those around me, working out to maintain a tiny frame controlling how much I weighed until it got too much….
I was very ill and was hospitalised this took its toll in my life, suddenly what I used to do was not possible any more, I had so many hospital appointments that it ruined my social life so to say and at this point I lost my job and “friends”
In a few months my health got steady I was pleased, got a new job and was trying to put my life together but it was tough, I started dating again ( I am sure you are wondering why I kept on dating, it’s simple I was looking for love and acceptance) everything seemed ok until the new boyfriend raped me too. This sent me spiralling downhill all the previous emotions buried within me came to the surface again, all the feelings I had buried trying to start over again just surfaced and I couldn’t take it any longer I decided to take my life.
On the D day I planned everything and was just about to write the letters to my family and as I was about to start a thought came to me….i started thinking of all the people who were going through the same thing I was, I was thinking how my family would feel my brother had died many years before and we had never really recovered and I thought of my mum who was a fighter and despite how much life beat her down she would rise up more determined than anything else and at that moment I choose to fight, fight for my life and fight for others.
I started my research on issues I felt close to my heart and the more I researched the more I saw the need to highlight the social injustices. Compiled issues and data and that’s how Her Story matters begun. It begun by me healing as I gave the platform to others so they can heal. I still had a lot of healing to go through I had a lot of wounds that were raw and I was blessed that God started bringing people in my life I could open up to , some ended up hurting me the same way ( there is always one ) but I kept on going because I had something to fight for, I never understood about purpose then all I knew was I was fighting for others as I knew how they felt.
I had a lot of opposition and many did not believe in the organisation, this did not deter me; I made it my mission to bring those issues to light.
When I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and saviour it was the most defining turning points in my life for I come to know my identity and find my purpose….I got so much healing for he is our healer and protector. He cleaned my wounds and healed them, healed my heart and freed me from pornography I know this is an epidemic and it plays with people self esteem and leads to other more challenging habits that are hard to break. God’s Grace and mercy is never ending I know how it feels to be free and I know how it feels to be bound. I look back at the dark lonely nights , the moments of despair and how God was always there, otherwise how would I have made it this far? How would I have been able to be so victorious of negative mindsets and no self worth? How on earth could I on one day be fighting for my life and the next am fighting for others?
The struggles are real, many are going through what I did and some worse, walking around deeply wounded and I feel it’s up to us to look out for each other; after all we are our brother’s keeper.
Am sharing my story because I know for sure someone somewhere needs to hear this and needs to know there is hope. If I came out of the deep dark pit you can.
If you would like to be featured on this blog as a woman of hope with your story inspiring others or just to have someone to listen to you email us and we can schedule a call “your story does matter”!
Yours in purpose
Her Story Matters